


Promise Me

by chaotic_carisi



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:20:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27318394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaotic_carisi/pseuds/chaotic_carisi
Summary: “Sonny...” It was all Rafael could manage. He could feel the tears threaten to spill but he wouldn’t let them, he couldn’t, not yet.“Promise me you'll let me go. Promise me Rafael.”“I promise.”
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	Promise Me

Shot. 

The word ran through Rafael’s mind non-stop. 

He barely noticed as his cup smashed on the ground. He didn’t react as the hot coffee splashed against his leg. He didn’t even think about the fact that the coffee would probably stain his socks. 

All he could think of was Sonny. 

And Sonny had been shot.

“Barba? Did you hear me?” The lieutenant asked, concerned by his silence. 

“I heard. Where is he, Liv?” His throat was tight. He could feel the tears starting to form. No, he couldn’t break down. He wouldn't. Not yet. Not until he had to. 

“He’s on his way to the hospital. Fin and I are going straight there, we can pick you up?” 

Rafael was barely aware of answering. He wasn’t aware of much. All he could think about was the fact that the love of his life had been shot. 

Minutes passed, and Rafael still didn’t move. His phone was still in his hand, coffee still on the floor, but Rafael was frozen. A million “what if’s“ ran through his head. 

What if Sonny needed surgery? 

What if there was permanent damage?

What if his husband died? 

This wasn’t a new thing. Rafael had spent countless nights waiting for Sonny to come home from work. Accidents weren’t uncommon with the special victim's unit. 

Not long ago, before he left, Amara had been shot. It was only his leg; he was fine afterwards. Sonny might have been shot in the leg, Rafael thought. He would need a lot of physical therapy, but he would be fine, he would be alive, he would survive. 

Mike Dodds didn’t survive. Rafael remembered that night as though it had only been a few days ago. He remembered the way Sonny cried, the way he fell into Rafael’s arms as he broke down. He remembered what he had asked him that night. 

“If that happens to me, Rafi-” he started, but Rafael wouldn't listen, he couldn’t listen. 

“It won't.” 

“Rafael, it might. It could happen to any of us, and if it happens to me, I don’t want you to leave me hooked up to some machine.” Rafael hadn’t seen Mike in the hospital, but the lieutenant had told him it wasn’t good. He couldn’t help but imagine Sonny hooked up to those machines, unaware of where he was. He held his husbands' hand tighter as he continued. “Please, promise me you won’t leave me like that. Promise me you’ll help me.” 

“Sonny, I can’t promise that.” He didn’t even want to think about it. He couldn’t be in control of something like that. He didn’t want to be the deciding factor in his husband's life.

“Please.” Sonny turned to look at him, his eyes full of tears, his voice shaking. “I don’t want to be left, plugged into some machines, not able to breathe for myself. I don’t want that, and I don’t want you to have to go through that. I don’t want you waiting, day after day for me to miraculously wake up when we both know it won’t happen.”

“Sonny...” It was all Rafael could manage. He could feel the tears threaten to spill but he wouldn’t let them, he couldn’t, not yet. 

“Promise me you'll let me go. Promise me Rafael.”

“I promise.” 

-

Rafael couldn’t remember getting in the car, but that’s where he found himself. Fin was driving. Liv was talking to someone on the phone. 

Rafael watched as the city sped by, bright and loud, his mind focused on Sonny. He had to be fine. He had to be alive. 

They arrived at the hospital quickly. Rafael didn’t say anything as he followed Liv through the silent corridors. He felt his chest grow tighter as they moved through the hospital. 

Finally, they met Rollins, waiting outside what could only be Sonny’s room. 

“They won't let me in. They won’t tell me anything either.” She said, sighing. “Family only.” 

This brought Rafael’s voice back. “I'm his husband. They have to talk to me.” He turned around, scanning the empty corridor for a nurse. He slumped against the wall. He had to see Sonny, he had to know his husband was okay. 

Minutes passed, feeling like hours. Eventually, a doctor came along, holding a chart. Rafael stood up quickly, too quickly, and had to reach out for the wall to steady himself. 

“Can you tell me about my husband?” Rafael asked as the doctor stopped in front of them. 

The doctor's expression was grim. Rafaels stomach flipped. It had happened. “Perhaps we should talk in private?”

“Let me see him.” 

The doctor sighed and opened the door. Sonny was lying in the hospital bed, still. Too still. Dead still. 

Rafael felt his heart stop as he noticed the tube in Sonny’s mouth. The tube that was making him breathe. 

The doctor was talking, something about internal bleeding, but Rafael couldn’t focus. Internal bleeding shouldn’t do this, he knew that much. Then he heard it. 

“Brain dead.” 

“How?” He asked, looking away from Sonny for the first time since he entered the room. 

“He hit his head pretty hard when he went down. Even if he could wake up, the damage would be too severe, he’d never be the same.” 

‘If’ was the word Rafael focused on. He knew now his husband was gone. He knew what he had to do. 

“Can I have a minute alone?” He asked. The doctor nodded and left, shutting the door behind him. 

Rafael crossed the remaining distance, taking his husbands hand as he stood next to him. He was cold.

“I'm sorry.” was all Rafael managed to say. He remembered his promise, but as he looked down at Sonny he had no idea how he was supposed to keep it. He glanced around at the machines, wondering which one was the right one. With his free hand, he stroked Sonny’s hair. 

He followed the tube from Sonny’s mouth and found the machine it was attached to. He just had to flip the switch, and his promise would be kept. 

And his husband would be dead. 

No, he thought. No, Sonny was already gone. 

Almost as if Sonny were standing behind him, Rafael heard his words. 

“Promise you’ll let me go.”

With a shaky hand, Rafael reached up to the machine, pausing before making contact. 

“I love you.” He whispered, voice shaking. 

He leaned down and kissed his husband's forehead. 

“Goodbye Sonny.” 

He flipped the switch. 

His tears fell.


End file.
